Two Angels  / Jean Cornell (From POS )

What a beautiful site you Mom has made for you Stephannie. Your Mom and I are walking this lonely road together. My own Stephanie left me on Nov. 19, 2007. Perhaps you know her. Perhaps you both fly together now, on the wings of the angels. My prayers are with you always Stephannie, you will never be forgotten.

Jean  Mom of Stephanie

Close

Your Beautiful Stephannie  / Becky

I am sure your beautiful daughter Stephannie has met my neice Candice. She too chose to leave us at the young age of 18. I am so sorry.....................

Becky

http://candice-bertram.memory-of.com

Close

consolation / Don Emmal (mentally ill too )
I wish Stephanie could have lived despite the pain. I am thakful for the love she received. My parents abandoned me when my illness got worse. But luckily I received love from strangers! I am sorry for the pain of those left behind. I believe there will be a beautiful reunion in Heaven. Love, Don Close

dance and play with the angels.  / Kate Borau (friend POS )
Dear Stephannie,

Dance and play with the angels.  Look out for my two angels Izzy and Anna.   Watch over your mum, she loves you so much. Close

Stephanie and Christina  / Donna Mother Of Christina Ann Valle
I happen to see your post on pos.  I am so sorry for the loss of Stephanie.  When i read about some of the things she did, it remined me of my precious daughter Christina, who also suffered from bi-polar, personality disorder and deep depresion.  I also would like for you to know, that i feel the pain along side of you and your family.  Today is also my birthday, and it just seems like yesterday when Christina surprised me on my 50th.  We laughed and had so much fun together.  I know Stephanie and Christina are finally at peace together.  Now we must go on without them here.  But we know they will never be forgotten.  The Lord gave us their memories that will last forever and no one can take them from us.  I hope to help make a difference in this horrible illness so others can know that there is light at the end.  Blessings to you and to your family. Close

A little note about steph  / Lisa Yost (sorority sitster )
I remember one time at school Steph came to visit. 

For some reason, everyone else had things to do that afternoon - chores and errands and what not.  me and steph decided to actually enjoy our day.

Me and steph were not too close of friends, but that day we smoked cigs, made chocolate chips cookies, and played video games all day.

It was a fun afternoon, and many of my college memories are blurry but that afternoon is very clear and still in my mind. I think about it and i smile remembering how steph made fun of my lack of video game playing skills and us chit chatting outside on my porch.

I do believe she is in peace now.
Close

....a few of Steph's thoughts,  / Steph's Diary/Journal (words from Steph herself )
some words from Steph's diary/journal july of 2003
there was someone in her life, although we did not know who
This summer as her parents we knew something was wrong, something was different, something was pulling her away. Steph distanced herself from us.

her words: 

...Still searching for that so right feeling to make me feel right on my own. Every night as I fall asleep alone. Still don't know who I am, just concentrate on being, taking the gifts with the blows, keep on moving though I may be slow.
I want to give up sometimes, but I don't know how.

Course the importance of existence is the persistence to keep on treking down the path, taking a few short stops here and there, but always in search of the place (home) you can settle down, whether city or town, a home for your own that will never bring you down.

Though plausible, it's certainly not possible
to
...when I fall asleep I dream about something and never remember it, the nightmares keep coming back and are permanently stuck in memory like needles extracting my inspiration and something separates my world from the "safe" reality.
Gotta keep moving on to the next world...forgetting what I was about to say or do or think about. Maybe I'll remember it and write it in a letter addressed to no one one day and see if someone finds it later...

Sat outside on the roof staring at the dark clouds, the only company beside the camel light in my hand for the moment. Wishing your were there for me, you never are, probably never will be for what I'm feeling is on my own.

I wanted to share my world with you, you didn't even want to visit it. I'll still keep giving your more. No longer do I want anything in return. So may things running thru my head, but what to share I've kept to myself and you are nowhere to be found but I'm to sit alone dreaming of another dream. How can I say goodbye when I never wanted to leave you in the first place.

Every morning I wished that I was next to you and every evening I wished you were with me too. But how could any of that ever be granted? I was too aftraid to see the man you became as you stood in front of me talking of love. And all of a sudden something changed and the memories came flooding in. So I'll sing a simple tune and pray it gets back to you just to prove that I really did love you. But Love now has it's various degrees and this one has changed it's course. For better or for worse there's no way to tell. I must say goodby now, but if I ever see you again I'll be sure to sing with you this time and everyday and every night after.
( apparently Stephannie had found a love in her life. She rambles thru her journal and NEVER mentions a name. We'd wish we'd have known )

More journal writings:
Shorter the passages, the less is learned. Why do I write words on pages and pages of paper?

Just words to speak to people who seem to care, but only to hurt the feelings of those who are trying to stimulate and begin a converstaion in order to learn more from what they could have the chance to teach. Because the only stupid questions are the ones never asked.

No more questions, maybe we should go along with what we know and ignore what hateful words have been said or maybe we should all forget about words and go on what we feel, keeping those feelings inside until some one breaks, feelings change and new words can be found for comfort. 

Comfort is found in others, but some people should be left alone because sometimes they can bring you down. Living through others eyes is no way to live life.

Close

From one Mom to another~Shirl  / Cheryl~Mom To Angel William Joe Day~

Dear Shirl,,

My name is Cheryl and I just joined a group POS. That is where I found Stephanie's site. Thank you for sharing her story with me and everyone.
I lost my son Joe to suicide Nov. 18th 2005. 13 months and 13 days ago. I know your pain all too well.
Every time I go to a site where the child has dies from suicide I learn a little bit. Thank you.
See Joe was diagnosed with minor depression when he was only 11 years old. Probably situational I thought as his dad and I were divorcing and I thought this was why. I took him to the drs to be put on meds but his father wouldn't agree and he never took them. I don't know if this was the beginning of the end so to speak but...
After his passing I learned from his girlfriend that Joe had told her that he was bi-polor. Also that he had had some strange things happen to him while under the influence, ie, voices etc.
Part of the struggle with suicide is the guilt and the society thinking about what did the parents do wrong. Hearing about others, as sad as it is, sheds some light on the disease itself for me. I understand that along with cancer and any other medical disease that this is one just as much and I need to get out there and learn all that I can so to spread the word and educate.
Thank you so much for sharing Stephannie's story Shirl. I am so very very sorry for your loss. You and your family will forever be in my prayers. If ever you need anything, please let me know.
With much love and many many hugs,
Cheryl   Mom to Joe
http://williamjoeday.memory-of.com
cherlynn9582000@yahoo.com
 

Close

So sorry  / Donna Mother Of Christina Valle

I am so sorry to hear about Stephannie. I also lost a daughter to bi-polar. Depression is such a deep black hole. There is just not enough help for this dreadfull disease. May you have peace and comfort this New Year comming in 2007. Bless you and your family.

Close

Beautiful / Colleen Smith
Thank you for sharing your daughter with me.  She sounds so much like my daughter I lost to suicide, I cried.  My thoughts are with you.

A lot of love and hugs to you

Colleen
Mum of Kacee Jaine Simm Smith
She was born Beautiful, Special and Wonderful
http://kacee-smith.virtual-memorials.com/
Close

Though I didn't know her long her memory will never leave me.  / Jeffrey Phillips (friend)
I sure remember Stephanie, I haven't seen her since I left college in the end of 2001 beginning 2002 but my memories of her were vivid. She and I got along very well, I remember running around with her on the campus grounds, next to the food court, behind the horseshoe pits...... playing tag of all things... I remember going ghost hunting with her and a group of people at Fort Roberdeau. I remember a lot of laughing and having fun. I remember trying to show her a few things on guitar.... I remember some serious conversations.... I remember lots of things. I only knew her for a year with short stints of talking to her online after that. I can never forget her face, that smile. She was one of the nicest young women I have ever met. I have missed her ever since I left and I cared for her despite not having a whole lot of time with her. Honestly had I the courage I would have asked her out, we seemed to share many things in common. She was unlike anyone I had met before. She was special, but I'm sure you always knew that. I offer my deepest sympathies to you and yours. I just found this out today, I was searching online for old college friends and (thought I) misspelled Stephannie's name  (I never knew her name had 2 n's), otherwise I would have found out a long time ago. I wish I knew sooner, I wish I had more time to get to know her even better, nevertheless her memory will always be here as well as the many other people who have her in heart and mind. If I'm ever down that part of PA, I'll be sure to leave her a flower. Close

with sympathy Laurie mom of Josh  / Laurie Arthur (none)
I am a fellow memeber of pos.  My deepest sympathy over the loss of a beautiful woman.  May she find peace in heaven.  She is sharing time with my son Josh.  We grieve together over the loss of our dear sweet children.  Peace to with you!

Laurie mom of Joshua
10-28-85 06-20-2006
set free by hanging Close

Dearest Steph,  / Forever Friend (friend)

No one knows or understands you the way I do. I hope that all the bad feelings are finally gone, and that you are filled with peace. 

You deserve it my special friend.

(thank-you...I wish you'd left your name/email addy.)

Close

I understand the pain  / Connie
Angel Stephannie - I hope you are finally at peace.  I understand your families pain as I lost my nephew on June 21, 2003 to suicide.   

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.   Rest in peace beautiful angel



sammy's aunt connie - http://sammypepe.memory-of.com Close

to a beautifull soul  / Doris Heasman
Hi Stefanie 
You  are such a  beautifull girl  hun . May  your light keep on shining .
Please say hello to  all our special childen  up there  from  all of us  grieviing moms and dads who miss you all so much .
Love and hugs 
Doris 
Mom of Monique Close

To Stephannie my Son's ANGEL FRIEND  / Marvin Hardin (Son's ANGEL FRIEND )
Stephannie, I know your Mom,she is a friend ,of mine. Please send her lots of HUGS!!!!! And watch over her. You are missed,but will never be forgotten,and always LOVED. Marvin Sr.Pop of Marvin Jr.(Marvo) Close

Hugs to Stephanie and Shirl  / Diane Mom Of Paul Sanders (POS)
Dear Stephanie and Shirl,  
I have enjoyed looking at your pictures and reading your stories.   Stephanie,  I can tell by your eyes what a sweet girl you are.  Please keep shining on your mom.   She's a very special lady and helps so many other moms (like me)  take those one foot in front of the other steps.   We love to share our stories about signs so please keep them coming! 
With love, Diane, mom of Paul J. Sanders Close

I'm so sorry about Stephanie  / Linda, Ray's Mom (POS)
Stephanie was so Beautiful. I just wanted to let you know that I visited your website for her and that I am so sorry she is gone. My son also died by suicide in July of 2001. It's been so hard. I still cannot believe it at times. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that one day I will be with him again. 

Take Care,

Linda, Mom of Raymond Close